I was talking to a friend, and we were discussing late-night dinner options. She was thinking chicken, while I had my eye on the familiar Golden Arches. Now, I know these are not the best choices, but as you’re getting closer to bedtime, your options thin to things of the fast food variety; it’s just the way it is. Anyway, as I’m getting my mind set on a fish filet sandwich, she asks me, not so casually, “How many times have you been there this week? I’ve just noticed that you’re going there a lot lately.”

HOLD UP. WAIT A MINUTE.

There are so many things running through my mind right now. I’m shocked, offended, defensive, mad, and a little less hungry- none of which is good, by the way. Now, I know I’m a big girl- nobody has to tell me, I look in the mirror everyday- even the days I don’t want to. I’m well aware. I’m also very well aware of the fact that this weight is not the best thing for me, and that I will need to lose some of it. Last, but certainly not least I am aware that this is coming from a friend, and so it has undertones of love and concern, and not undertones of mean and malicious.

All of that having been said, I can’t help but feel a little angry. I mean, fast food isn’t really healthy for anyone- but it seems like only big people get the lectures about the risks (or in this case, a lecture disguised as a question). I feel… picked on, for lack of a better phrase. I have plenty of friends who want to lose weight, and I encourage when I can, but I don’t go around passing judgement every time they lift a fork to their faces and I expect the same treatment. It’s a sad double standard. I know I’m not a skinny girl, nor do I have the greatest eating habits- but it seems like my weight comes with a clause that allows everyone smaller than me to “weigh” in on what I’m eating. This makes me self-conscious in ways that no one even imagines. And no matter how well meaning you are, you come across as self-righteous and judgmental- maybe those feelings are coming from somewhere inside me, but I reserve the right to project them onto you- the same way you reserved the right to comment on my eating like you walk around in my body all day.

So let this be a lesson to you people who want to shame your fat friends by reminding them of the junk they eat- keep your weighty opinion to yourself. You don’t know how it’s affecting people. I can tell you that it’s not helping- which I will assume was the desired effect.