Battle of the Bulge

I’ve been thinking of getting a personal trainer and a nutritionist. Aside from figuring out how it’s going to fit into my already-stretched budget, this is a huge step for me. But I think it’s time I considered it. I’ve never been one to want things like that; people have been shouting the praises of the personal trainer and the nutritionist for years, but I never listened. I know it’s my complete and total stubbornness that has made me block out these suggestions; my flawed, independent streak won’t allow for ANYONE to tell me what to do- and then there’s my solid belief that the only person who can actually solve my problems is me (I know- there are control issues here. I’m working on them- and I’ll thank you to curb your judgement). Anyway, I’m finally thinking seriously about it.

Weight has been an issue for me since I was ten years old. Puberty came with weight gain I couldn’t control- and combined with eating habits I didn’t know how to change, I was doomed. The fact that I got glasses at 11 didn’t help this journey. It took me a long time to accept myself, to like myself, to love myself.  I finally got around to thinking I was marginally attractive in high school. I didn’t feel sexy until college. Anyway, I spent so many years feeling bad about the weight, that I spent almost no time doing something about it. Of course, I know now that I should have made those changes in my lifestyle back then- and I wouldn’t have spent so much time feeling bad. And I wouldn’t be so far behind now.

These days I’m happy to report that I love myself. I look in the mirror, and I don’t cringe. I don’t cry, I don’t feel bad or unattractive. I feel like a work in progress- which is what I am. But I’m getting off track…

The reason I’ve decided to break down and seriously consider a personal trainer and nutritionist is because I’m afraid that I’ve become something of a comfort eater. Why am I comforting myself, you ask? Well, a few reasons. I’ve been reflecting a lot- on my life, on the redirection of my dreams, on the sad fact that my sex life (although pretty damn good when it’s active) is usually somewhat inactive. These all lead to me plates of pasta while I think- or cheeseburgers to make me think of something other than penises. Also, since I’ve been falling in love with TV again, my couch and I are spending more time together. What better way to pass TV time than with snacks? So there’s sandwiches and chips while I watch football, and basketball, and Scandal, and One Tree Hill reruns, and whatever obscure documentary I can find on Netflix. And don’t get me started on liquor. As a matter of fact, we won’t start on liquor- because I’m not giving it up- for anyone. But I digress…

I’ve been a lover of food for a long time. Cooking food, smelling food, trying new food- it’s something that’s always been a part of my personality. I like having dinner parties, family dinners, experimenting with recipes. Food has always been a great communication tool for me. Because of that, I’ve never even considered the possibility that I was dependent on it in ways other than the traditional ones. But lately, I’ve begun to notice that food can make me happy. And I don’t mean the triumphant joy of mastering something I’ve never made, or getting my friends to try something they normally wouldn’t like. I mean, I started to notice that whenever I was on the verge of being a little more lonely than alone, or a little more sad than simply reflective- food could brighten up my day. This is bad. This is very, very bad. As much as I LOVE food, it’s not Xanax- I don’t want to use it as a mood stabilizer. I just want to be a good cook who likes to cook for people. I want to APPRECIATE food- and I think I’ve gotten a little beyond that.

It’s not as though I haven’t done anything. But my twice-a-week trips to the gym are only good if I’m going hard every time (and I don’t). And it’s only as effective as the food I’m eating in between. Which as hard as I try, is crap 50% of the time. So it’s time to retrain myself. And since I have ZERO willpower when you put a cheeseburger or some Chicken Alfredo in front of me, it’s time to explore other options. I figure if I’m paying people to keep me on track, I might try harder to stay on track. And at least it’s something new.

I’ll let you know how it goes… now to find the money… I may have to dip into my wine budget…

5 thoughts on “Battle of the Bulge

  1. So, I have won, lost, won and currently losing, this battle and through my successes and failure I have learned that if I don’t make my health a priority nothing is going to happen. I have had personal trainers and they help, but the motivation to continue has to come from you personally. It is possible to lose the weight by not “going in” everytime you hit the gym but it requires that your diet stays consistent. I have also learned to experiement with diff foods. I think our people (black folks) get locked into the same old foods but there are so many foods out there that are good and healthy. Another tip is find a buddy that have your same goals and level of activity, but that will motivate you and you them. I tried to lose weight once with my bestie and this chick is a beast. I mean fitness model beast. I couldn’t keep up with her. Her mile and my mile two completely different miles. The most important thing for me beyond nutrition is finding an activity that was fun for me (kickboxing, zumba). kickboxing is a great way to release stress and it is impossible not to burn. Zumba is fun and a way to shake what ya momma gave ya. I have tips for DAYS, but a plan without action is just a useless idea. So before you make a decision to get a trainer you gotta be serious about wanting change. Also, some insurances will reimburse for gym, trainers and nutritionists but they wont tell you. You have to ask them

    Man, that was way longer than I meant it to be.

    1. I think that my number one problem is food choices, and my number two problem is defnitely finding exercise I LIKE. That’s been a huge struggle for me. Maybe kickboxing is a good way to go- I’ve never tried that.

      1. You gotta research foods that are nutrious and delicious. There are many neat recipes out there. It takes strong discipline and will power. Definitely find an exercise that you love. Tae Bo from back in the late 90s is one of my favs and was a great tool to get me in shape in my journey. Everyday! You can even start doing 10 minutes a day. Check out inshape4u on Youtube and Adrian’s website, Leslie Sansone videos. Sparkpeople. There are like so many out there. You can do it!

      2. It takes hard work and discipline to eat right. Research recipes and/or foods that are good for you, but also taste good. Keeping the junk out the house is important and being prepared w/ foods on hand wherever you are is CRUCIAL. It doesn’t hurt to eat a lil’ naughty here and there. However, portion control is key. Furthermore, I feel ya about doing exercises you love. I enjoy Tae Bo-from back in the late 90s. The ones I use to do w/ a few LU sistas back in our college days. That 30 minute exercise has helped my tremendously in getting shape. Jumping rope is cool. Hula hooping is cool. Check oue inshape4u on Youtube or Also, Tiffany Rothe on YouTube is da bomb-if ya feelin’ rather sexy she’s great for that. You’ll be shaking hips and all. lol You can do it!

  2. Good read. I hope that you may achieve your goal of embracing food in a diffferent light. I hope that you may strive not only on weight loss, but overall healthy living. It is a process. I believe you can b/c you are a strong and outgoing gal. Check out Forks Over Knives, Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead, Food Matters, and Earthlings documentaries on Netflix (Earthlings is online such YouTube or look it up on Google.) Drink plenty of water and eat clean!

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